21 In Mindset

It’s okay to not be okay

Usually I am preaching positivity, promoting self-love, or self improvement in some way which is all fine and dandy, however I am just not feeling positive right now. If I am going to preach positivity then I also need to admit when I am anything but positive and when things aren’t a ray of sunshine. I want all of us to realize that it’s okay to not be okay. That we are allowed to not have the picture perfect life, we are allowed to feel like a mess, and we are allowed to feel however we feel; that needs to be ok.

It’s okay to:

  • Feel anything but happy
  • Feel hurt by someone else(quite frankly that shows your genuine and real and real is so fucking rare these days, so pat yourself on the back!)
  • Feel confused in your long term relationship and not know if this is truly want you want
  • Be single
  • Feel like you aren’t where you thought you would be at this age/time
  • Not know what you want, and it’s okay to not know the next steps to take to get to where you would like to be
  • Not like your job
  • Be a single mom, you are not unworthy. (Also a big round of applause to you because you are a BADASS 100 percent.)
  • If you are tired of the people you surround yourself with
  • Hell, if you are tired of the way you act and want to change
  • Be mad at yourself, or mad at the world

I want all of us to realize that it’s okay to feel how we feel, and that we should allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling instead of always brushing it off or trying to compensate for what we think is missing in our lives. It’s okay to actually sit  and work through how we feel instead of faking it till we make it. We have to work through our feelings to make any lasting change. We cant just say we are fine and then move along… that shit will continue to come back up in our lives in one way or another until we deal with it. My friend reminded me last night that it’s okay to be upset and that it’s okay to take things one day at a time and I wanted to extend that reminder to you because we constantly see other people’s happiness through social media and we allow it to make us feel worse. Often we then feel like we need to put up a front to make it seem like we are okay even when we aren’t and shit is hitting the fan in the background. I just hope you know that its okay to not be okay and that we should sit with our feelings and as long as we are doing the work within ourselves, we will get to a better place.


  • If you aren’t feeling happy right now that’s cool, take some time for you figure out what you need to feel happier.
  • If someone hurt you don’t waste your time being petty. Take the time you need to yourself to work on forgiveness because in the end forgiveness is what it will take to truly move forward.
  • If you are confused in your relationship, know that this is okay. Take a breather, take a break, take a breath of fresh air, take all the time you need to figure out what you truly want. Do not let others pressure you, you know what is right for you.
  • If you are single, know that this is okay. You will find someone who treats you right but don’t sit around and let that be your focus, and don’t date just to have someone around.
  • If you are not where you want to be, I know that its stressful. Make a plan, focus on your goals, and make it happen. Just because you aren’t where you thought you’d be right now doesn’t mean you wont get there. STAY FOCUSED.
  • If you don’t know what you want, that’s not always the worst thing. Figure it out, try new things, take time to just be by yourself and you will find what it is that you want.
  • If you don’t like your job, know that you are not alone many people stay in jobs that make them miserable you don’t have to do this. If this job is a stepping stone stick it out to get where you want to be in the future. If this job truly makes you miserable though leave and go elsewhere don’t stay in a situation just because you don’t want to put the effort into finding something that fits you better.
  • IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM, I want you to know I feel you, I know how hard and exhausting it is. You are so worthy and such an example of strength. KEEP GOING because you will get to where you need to be 🙂
  • If you are tired of the people you surround yourself with, stop hanging out with them. You are a reflection of the people you keep closest to you, if they don’t inspire you, support you, and uplift you kick them to the curb.
  • If you are tired of you and the way you act, it’s time to do some soul searching and truly change your mindset, so that you are happy with yourself. I would know lol it’s taking me a long time to get to a better place.
  • If you are upset with yourself, or with others. LET go of the resentment it only holds you back and hinders your growth.

Lastly, I just want to make it known how important your support group is especially when you are feeling down. Let it be okay to ask for help. We are always so worried about what others will think, what they will say; will they judge me? That thinking stops us from reaching out when we truly could benefit from the support from others. I am telling you that your support group is so beneficial to moving forward. They give you the strength you need to keep going when all hell is breaking loose. If you feel like you don’t have a good support group I think it’s time you look for people who are truly genuine and even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, there are some good people out there.

Even though right now it’s hard, just remember things always get better when you continue to push forward.


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  • Reply
    August 31, 2017 at 4:02 pm

    This post was so warm and loving. Your blog is just a wonderful place to spend some time.

    • Reply
      August 31, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      Thank you so much, that was really sweet of you. I appreciate your kind words more than you know 🙂

      • Reply
        August 31, 2017 at 4:04 pm

        Welcome to the blogosphere ❤❤❤

  • Reply
    Toni Cheeseman
    August 31, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    I ABSOUELTLY LOVE THIS! SERIOUSLY I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS! You have always been there for me and gave me your advice through the rough times and for that I’m grateful for you more then you know. I look up to who you are and the motivation to not just make yourself better but to help others even when you are going through things at home. I love ya girl! I can’t wait to read more from you!❤️

    • Reply
      September 1, 2017 at 12:02 am

      Toni, that was seriously so sweet of you thank you for taking the time to say that to me seriously I appreciate it so much. Yes I am always here for you and I always will be girl you got this things will get better 🙂

  • Reply
    September 1, 2017 at 12:56 am

    This was so good and super refreshing. Most people feel like they need to pretend they are okay for the sake of themselves and others. It’s nice to be reminded that we don’t.

    • Reply
      September 1, 2017 at 2:32 am

      Thank you for taking the time to comment that means a lot 🙂 I agree I think it’s hard sometimes to truly admit when things are wrong and it’s easier to pretend they aren’t im glad you could relate 🙂

  • Reply
    Deryn Macey
    September 7, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    Totally agree. I think it’s so important to feel those feelings sometimes and not pretend like everything is 100% perfect when it’s not. There is strength in that. Thank you for this.

    • Reply
      September 7, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      I couldn’t agree more, there is so much strength in that 🙂

  • Reply
    Susannah Fields O'Brien
    September 7, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Thank you! Great advice!

  • Reply
    September 7, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    Very warm article…loved reading through it…thanks for sharing it

  • Reply
    September 7, 2017 at 4:27 pm

    Great advice !! I’m learning to be ok with being single . No rush to get into another relationship or anything . Enjoying me and my baby together ! Great post ! I needed this 💛

    • Reply
      September 7, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      I couldn’t agree more, I am in the same situation so I can relate 🙂 Thank you for your kind words!

  • Reply
    September 7, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    i love this so much – thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to this!

  • Reply
    September 7, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    Great post! It is definitely okay to not be okay…. its how we overcome and bounce back that matters. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Reply
    September 7, 2017 at 7:07 pm

    I’m a brand ambassador for a company called Wear Your Label and they have a shirt that says, “It’s okay not to be okay.” I love it!! Great post!

  • Reply
    Kissa Marañon
    September 8, 2017 at 6:35 am

    It’s such a coincidence that I’ve just watched a csi re-run episode about coping up. It’s true that the acknowledgment of how you really feel is the one that will make you feel better!

    • Reply
      September 8, 2017 at 2:31 pm

      I love CSI thats awesome, thank you for sharing 🙂 I agree it’s so important for us to own our feelings so that we can truly move forward.

  • Reply
    September 8, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Keep writing! This is extremely well written and gives me permission to take care of myself and do what’s best for me.

    • Reply
      September 9, 2017 at 9:30 pm

      Thank you so much, I am glad that you could relate. We all deserve to do whats best for ourselves 🙂

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