The Many Faces Of Perseverance Blog Series. I thought it would be nice to take the filter out of our daily lives and to be able to relate to many different people about struggles that we each face. I am learning everyday to embrace the struggles we go through, instead of fearing them. I am learning that everything we go through is putting us on our path and helping us grow. I am learning that even when its uncomfortable and hard that we are learning so much about ourselves and that our struggles are shaping us into a better version of ourselves. I hope you gain guidance, inspiration, and support from this series – Alexa
Meg what made you want to share your story?
I remember when I was in my darkest place and uncovering (on a podcast – TLS) someone else who walked a similar past and transformed their pain into purpose.
In that moment it was as if I had taken my first true breathe in years.
It gave me my hope to fight back – & it reminded me of what was possible. For that exact reason, I choose to share my story. My hope is someone reading may connect with my journey, and remember they can heal their life.
So, where do I begin? Sitting down and writing my story is so therapeutic, and at the same time, it continues to bring up a lot of resistance for me.
I’ve struggled with sharing my struggles my whole life. I used to feel guilty for my suffering because “others had it so much worse” when the reality is that VERY thought was an act of self harm.
It’s taken me many of lessons, heartbreaks, addiction recovery, self image recovery, and more to stand in my story and own my pain. The truth is, in owning my pain I’ve set myself free from it. Not that I live a “pain-free” life, because a) that’s just called numbing (which I’ve done for many years) and b) contrast is part of being human and it’s important for our personal evolution. Instead, I’ve learned how to manage my mind, choose new thoughts, and open my perception to another way of living.
So, I’ll dive into my story.
My parent’s split when I was 10. It was not a civil divorce, and my sibling’s and I were often the bait in our parent’s battle. I went many years without speaking to my father, without letting him know his daughter. I was so angry I used to envision telling him when he was in his old age that “it’s a shame you never got to know your children.”
Then, when I was 19 – everything changed. My mom and step-dad divorced, I saw the world, I met new people with new perspectives, and through my own self discovery – I forgave my father. I chose to get curious on his actions, to understand his motivation. to understand his pain, and ultimately I formed a real relationship with him. In fact, I admired him.
I was a freshman in college when I watched my loving mother struggle with bankruptcy from her divorce, and simultaneoulsy I was strengthening my relationship with my father. My Dad put pressure on me to go into his career field – accounting. He believed it was the only bullet-proof career (which are his values) and that it would be great for his daughter. I believe I committed to becoming a CPA because I was using my career as a way to seek love, mend relationships, and externally seem “successful”. Which is why, it should be no surprise that I had a complete breakdown when I was pursuing this career.
I began using stimulants and overdrinking in order to help me numb my depression. I spent years wearing a mask, only speaking and acting based on what I thought others wanted me to say or do. I was so deeply lost, anxious, and hopeless.
And , in this contrast, this dark time of my life, a part of my soul REACHED for self discovery. In fact, I’m pretty certain meditation, yoga, and journaling saved my life. I started turning inward, uncovering what my true interests were, allowing myself to be. I began to respect my body – rather than harm it. I quit the stimulants and consistent overdrinking. I forged a new relationship with myself and committed to it. I also opened up to reconnecting with a spiritual practice – and honoring that part of myself that craved one.
The more I continue to evolve in my self love journey the more EVERYTHING else falls into place in my life. This is why it is the most important thing IN my life.
I truly feel I have healed my life through being curious about myself, and allowing myself to be, and to surrender to something bigger.
For anyone out there who is struggling with addiction, abusive self-relationships, etc. I ask you to forgive yourself – to let go of any shame and get curious on your life.
Think, what would it be like today if I chose again?
All my love,