The Many Faces Of Perseverance Blog Series. I thought it would be nice to take the filter out of our daily lives and to be able to relate to many different people about struggles that we each face. I am learning everyday to embrace the struggles we go through, instead of fearing them. I am learning that everything we go through is putting us on our path and helping us grow. I am learning that even when its uncomfortable and hard that we are learning so much about ourselves and that our struggles are shaping us into a better version of ourselves. I hope you gain guidance, inspiration, and support from this series – Alexa
Nadia, what made you want to share your story?
Honestly? I want to share something that although common, it is still sort of taboo and not an open subject whatsoever. Living through it was very hard and although I am aware that my outcome isn’t the same for everyone, there is hope and you are not alone.
November 15, 2014 was the day my life changed forever. I was living in Mexico City at the time, had just moved there a few weeks back with a mix of heartbreak and excitement for the future. Looking back, I moved there to run away. I had gotten divorced earlier that year, and after months of trying to fix things between us, my ex-husband got tired of waiting and decided to move on. I realized my mistake a bit too late, hence, I decided to put some space between us (in the form of moving to a different country) in hopes of getting over him. Naturally, he was shocked when I told him something like ‘Hey, I am moving to Mexico City next week,’ so he invited me to dinner. We had some drinks and too much familiarity, I can imagine you can all guess what happened. Fast forward to November 15 when I found out I was pregnant.
The first thing I did was call him to give him the news, unsure of how we would react but his reaction was worse than anything I could have imagined. He basically said he wouldn’t be able to talk to me for the next 3 days as his girlfriend had arrived to town and he was picking her up. I was a mess. The next 3 days consisted of tears and nausea, although I did have the support of amazing friends and family in my life. I decided to go back to Tucson for Thanksgiving in hopes of seeing him and having him tell me that it was all going to be alright, and we would do this together. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I did see him, but he was so cold and uninterested that I didn’t recognize him, he wanted nothing to do with either me or our baby. I will back up a bit, because I realize I am making him sound like a jerk, and it is only fair to give you some context. I broke his heart really bad during our divorce. I basically stormed off in a fight, filed for divorce and started dating someone before it was even legalized. He still tried and begged, but I did not want to hear it.
I wish I could tell you that I decided to trust in God right away and have faith that everything would work out. I felt heartbroken, hormonal and scared. I started sensing people would judge/pity me, whether they did or it was in my mind I couldn’t tell you but it felt real and it devastated me. I do wish there was more awareness and support to women who want to have their babies, who don’t necessarily need financial assistance but are pregnant and alone. Women who just need emotional support and feel reassured that everything will indeed be ok, no woman ever dreams of getting pregnant and being alone.
Back to my novel, I decided to move but this time to San Diego where I have family and their support was seriously what got me through the darkest time in my life. I would go to Tucson (where we used to live) once every couple months, for doctor appointments, he would go to some but missed most. Somewhere along he asked for a paternity test which made me feel even more ashamed and broken. Everything I was living seemed surreal, like it wasn’t me that this was happening to. Every single time I had to say I was unmarried, or was single it killed me. I did the worst thing one can do, started comparing myself. I looked at other pregnant women filled with hope, and planning nurseries and things of the sort and would feel even more despair. Being a new mom is scary, which gets intensified by the realization that you are more than likely doing it by yourself.
Somewhere along the process, I did decide to trust God and have faith. It wasn’t easy, every single day was a struggle but I persevered. Every morning I would have to get up and remind myself of my decision to move forward and have faith, and every night before going to bed I would have to do the same thing. I learned so much about God’s character and my own during this difficult time that looking back, I wouldn’t change the way things happened because it made me the mother, woman and (almost) wife I am today. For months, my prayer was for God to bring Bryan back to me now, which wasn’t getting answered. As I began to get emotionally better, my prayer changed to just asking him to carry out His plan in the way that was better for me and my daughter. Still, nothing was changing between Bryan and I, but I was changing. I was stronger and better.
To make an even longer story a bit shorter, I moved back to Tucson about 6 weeks before my due date because I was delivering there and my mom was going to be a part of it. Bryan and I started talking again, little by little we became friends. One of my biggest fears was being in the delivery room without Bryan, and just with my mom and family. Not sure why, but I tortured myself with that thought for months. I am very happy to report that I wasn’t alone, but Bryan was by my side the whole time and from the day our daughter was born a day hasn’t gone by since he doesn’t see her. He is the best father I could have ever asked for her. When she was 4 months old we decided to give our relationship another chance, and we are getting remarried in 3 and a half weeks.
I understand that not everybody has had or will have the same outcome as mine, but what I hope is your takeaway is that if you persevere, you will get through to the other side victorious. Another thing that I learned is to try (I don’t always succeed) and not obsess and torture myself with fears about the future, because nobody knows what it holds and worrying/suffering without need is a waste of life.