The Many Faces Of Perseverance Blog Series. I thought it would be nice to take the filter out of our daily lives and to be able to relate to many different people about struggles that we each face. I am learning everyday to embrace the struggles we go through, instead of fearing them. I am learning that everything we go through is putting us on our path and helping us grow. I am learning that even when its uncomfortable and hard that we are learning so much about ourselves and that our struggles are shaping us into a better version of ourselves. I hope you gain guidance, inspiration, and support from this series – Alexa
It goes something like, “ First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” RIGHT?! At 20 years old I thought I had my life all planned out. I was going to graduate college, fall in love, get married, and have kids. I laugh at this plan now. Life had a different plan…
I’m 24, I still haven’t graduated nursing school (I have 1 class left.) I had a baby girl at 22, was engaged to her dad, then not… We were an emotional roller coaster. But happy to say we’re a happy family now.
This brings me to my next point.. FAILURE:
When I found out I was pregnant I was 21, I turned 22 shortly after. I was scared shitless. I failed, in my eyes I had failed. My life plan failed. I was so nervous to become a mom, I thought I was to young. I had always wanted to be a mom, but that wasn’t the way I planned it out. I was nervous to tell my family, although I have to brag because I was blessed with some pretty darn great parents. They have been nothing but supportive.
To make a long story short(er), I had a tough delivery. Afterwards I wasn’t able to drive, I had trouble getting around, and on top of that I (we) had a new little baby to care for all while I was trying to heal. I struggled to leave the house, I struggled to even brush my teeth some days. I thought.. this is what it’s like.. to be a mom, especially being a new mom. I was LOST. I look back now and I realize how sad I was ALL THE TIME. Now, I didn’t have post partum depression, thankfully I never let it get that far. But I had really bad anxiety & some baby blues. I was anxious every minute, I didn’t want to leave my house. My heart would race and my stomach would turn. I would think, “What if I go somewhere & Harper cries really loud?” I would also think, “What if I go somewhere and Harper gets hungry?” Surely I can’t breastfeed in public. (I laugh at these thoughts now) Thankfully, I had a PERFECT baby. She was a doll, never had colic, slept pretty good, and adjusted to whatever we were doing. I needed & should’ve talked to someone. Once I finally healed (about 4 months later) things changed, I went back to school and felt like I was getting back to a new “normal”. I have AMAZING support systems all around, but I hid these feelings from them because I thought this was normal and no one with a perfect new blessing should feel that way, right?
So, why am I writing this for the world to see?!
WELL… I know that looking back I should’ve handled things differently. I want woman to know that it is OK to not be OK.