28 In Mindset

Don’t get Bitter, get Better

They say “Don’t get bitter, get better”, I’m working on switching them letters – LeCrae

I heard this in a song awhile ago, and it’s so true. What does being bitter mean to you because to me it’s been the last five years. For the last five years I have been bitter over so many things, angry at the world.

I was bitter about leaving a job that I loved, I was bitter about my relationship not working out, I was bitter that I wasn’t done with school yet, I was bitter that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, bitter that I wasn’t happy with my body, bitter because I couldn’t be selfish with my time, bitter because I wasn’t doing good but I wouldn’t do anything to change that so I stayed stuck being bitter, bitter that I wasn’t doing something I loved, bitter that I couldn’t travel, bitter that I wasn’t making enough money, bitter that I had to move home because I messed myself up financially, BITTER OVER EVERYTHING.

We all get so bitter over so many things that we have no control over, and what we do have control we don’t do anything to change it we just like to sit in our bitterness and wonder why we are so tired, why we don’t get anything done, why we are stuck, why we aren’t moving forward, why, why, why. We focus so much on what we dont’ have, what we haven’t accomplished, what someone else has, what someone else has accomplished, what someone else’s goals are, that we are always in the state of why can’t I get there, why cant I be better? 

Bitterness keeps us stuck where we are, it doesn’t allow us to grow, it doesn’t allow us to look at our struggles as a learning experience. It’s a hell of a lot easier to stay stuck in bitterness than to face the fact that we are in the situation we are in because we allow ourselves to be. Being bitter does nothing but hold us back, hold us from moving on, not allowing us to forgive ourselves, or forgives others for that matter. It doesn’t allow us to thrive or to get better. It allows us to just be, to just not do anything because it;s easier to be mad than to do something to fix the problem, to work through our issues is actual work and why would we want to do that when we can continue to sit here in our bitterness.

Here’s some ways I tried to stop being such a bitter bitch:

  1. Held myself accountable for my own damn actions and decisions. I was mad ALL the time COMPLAINED all the time and it did nothing for me. I honestly don’t know how I had the good friends that I do because I would complain, complain, complain but do nothing to change my situation.
  2. Bought every single SELF HELP book around.. no really I like to read but I did get a little much with the self help genre. Some books really did help such as Radical Self Love- if you are feeling down on yourself this one is extremely helpful. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero – If you want a kick in the ass and motivated this is it. Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod this book is amazing, it puts you on a routine, shows you what is important to you, it will help TRUST ME. Lastly Unfiltered by Lily Collins because when you are going through some shit, all you want is something that you can relate to and this is the book for that.
  3. STOPPED BEING SO DAMN NEGATIVE – Yep I became a positive polly, I will literally read quotes every night before bed because it changes your mood don’t believe me? Why don’t cha try it!
  4. THERAPY I know that sometimes we can feel shamedful about needed therapy but honestly we could all use it. We are all fucked up in some way therapy is necessary. It helped me realize the patterns and behaviors I had that were not helping me succeed they were actually keeping me stuck. PLUS unbiased support is the best thing around. Our family and friends mean well they do just like we mean well when we give advice but we don’t know whats right for another person they need to be able to work through thing on their own with unbiased judgement to figure out what is right for them, and the same goes for us.
  5. HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS. Eating a bag of reese cups when im upset, or going out every weekend and overdoing it on the alcohol may seem like a good idea at the time but all we are doing is postponing the inevitable we have to work through our shit or its going to keep coming up over and over and no amount of comfort food, alcohol or any other unhealthy mechanism will change that fact.
  6. Put myself semi-first, my daughter is always my number one but I use to feel so guilty when I would leave her with a babysitter for a few hours. NO to all the momma’s out there you are still a great momma even if you want the day to yourself TAKE IT! We have so much to do all the time, we are always taking care of others whose taking care of us? FIll your cup up, you NEED and DESERVE it!
  7. Accepted the fact that I need other people. The truth is we need people, we may not like that we need people, we may not like asking for help, we may feel uncomfortable that we have to ask for help BUT we need it, we need connection, we need support, and we need meaningful relationships. NUTURE your friendships, and all relationships that are important to you & stop hanging with shitty ass people just because you have known them for a long time. TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.
  8. GET OVER MYSELF. When we are going through a hard time its really hard to get out of our own head. Why is this happening to me, why am I going through this, Why is my life like this. We have to stop focusing so much on me, me , me and start realizing that we need to get over ourselves. We all go through shitty times, shitty situations, none of us will have a smooth sailing journey and we need to realize that, accept it, and start changing our mindset to the positive instead of staying stuck in the mindset why me.
  9. ADOPTED A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE This was probably one of the best decisions especially because I struggle with anxiety a lot and drinking twelve lattes a day and eating like shit was not helping my mental state but you live and you learn. Its so important to take care of our bodies our skincare routine, our eating habits. YES it’s awesome to eat delish food but its all about BALANCE. Feed your body well, workout, find a skincare routine that works for you and then also treat yourself! I love eating healthy, I also love going to a restaurant and picking whatever I want off the menu and not caring if its healthy or not. BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE stop wasting your time with a diet, and start better habits daily, believe me I will never give up donuts and I will never give up my healthy smoothies in the morning 🙂
  10. FIND WAYS TO DESTRESS DAILY. SELF CARE IS WHERE ITS AT I need my four cups of hot tea a day because it makes me happy, I need my thursday night bath bomb baths because that’s my shit. I need my books and writing because those are the things that can get me to relax. I need a lot of time with friends and exploring because that brings me joy. You need your little moments, they make the stressful shit so much easier to get through.. FIND YOUR HAPPY THINGS, DO THEM DAILY. WE are all busy YOU can make time, not excuses.

 

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28 Comments

  • Reply
    wraemsanders
    February 16, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    Therapy is GOOD. my therapist is amazing and I’ve done a lot of work with her. Good luck in your journey

  • Reply
    Alexa Bartimus
    February 17, 2018 at 11:39 pm

    Thank you, good luck to you as well 🙂

  • Reply
    Cody
    February 19, 2018 at 1:32 am

    Beautiful

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 19, 2018 at 6:59 pm

      I love you 🙂

  • Reply
    Chantelly
    February 19, 2018 at 3:10 pm

    Yep, love this! I’ve always taught myself to never be bitter and it’s helped me so much through all the heartbreaks and tough times

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 19, 2018 at 6:59 pm

      I couldnt agree more 🙂

  • Reply
    Kayliegh
    February 19, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    I am an advocate of therapy also! I feel like everyone could get something out of it… This was a great post!

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 20, 2018 at 3:03 pm

      I agree, I think we could all use Therapy!

  • Reply
    Sonam
    February 19, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    You are right dear, amazing post

  • Reply
    Erika
    February 19, 2018 at 3:36 pm

    Laughed a little reading this. Sometimes you have to give yourself some tough love to stay in check.

  • Reply
    Sam
    February 19, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    YES girl! I feel like we’re the same person! It’s crazy that sometimes we have to learn the hard way to appreciate and understand life more fully.

  • Reply
    CherishingFlo
    February 19, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    I Love how real you’re being with this! I had to get over myself HEAVILY and get it together by putting myself first! Self help books helped me too! Great post! Love!

  • Reply
    Timpani
    February 19, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    These are some really great tips! I’m currently working on this myself and you’ve given me a few other ways I can help improve.

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 20, 2018 at 3:09 pm

      I am glad you were able to relate 🙂

  • Reply
    Carrie Pinkard
    February 19, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    Very nice list of self care tips! Self care is so important. I also love your blog name- a healthy dash of sass, beautiful.

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 20, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      That is so sweet of you thank you, and I agree self care really is so important!

  • Reply
    Stephanie
    February 19, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    YES YES YES! These are awesome tips for self-development! I love reading self help books! I’ll have to check out the titles you recommended 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 20, 2018 at 3:04 pm

      I do too, self help books really are great and give you so much motivation!

  • Reply
    Alecia
    February 20, 2018 at 4:58 am

    This was a great post! Thanks for sharing your bitterness and what you did to overcome it!

    • Reply
      Alexa Bartimus
      February 20, 2018 at 3:04 pm

      Thank you so much for saying that 🙂

  • Reply
    Lexie
    February 20, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    OMG, I relate so much. I have noticed how bitter and negative I can become sometimes. I agree with holding yourself accountable, so many times I have tried to pin my mistakes and misfortunes on others making me feel bitter towards those around me but at the end of the day, it is down to us to make a difference. Self-care is so important, I love reading self-help books and blogs etc. I think it makes a huge difference to your mindset and I am constantly learning to cope and be more positive. Thanks so much for this post.

  • Reply
    Jasmin
    February 20, 2018 at 6:49 pm

    I totally agree with you and we have to make changes sometimes!

  • Reply
    Safi
    February 20, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    Such a great perspective! I love all of these tips!

  • Reply
    Marie
    February 20, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    This is so important ! I wish you all the best love.

    Marie xx

  • Reply
    Brandy
    February 20, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    Yes girl, yes. It’s invredible what we can do when we change our perspective.

  • Reply
    Mariah
    February 21, 2018 at 4:55 am

    Seriously!!! It is like you are in my head. I have… still am struggling with bitterness. This was so encouraging to read. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I really appreciate it! <3

  • Reply
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  • Reply
    Haley
    March 2, 2018 at 2:02 pm

    I love this! This was me 3.5 years ago!! I wish I would have had this to read then! Hell, I still needed to read this, I am so hard on myself and sometimes I need a reminder of where I was and where I am now. It’s so hard so get out of this but I’m glad you’re heading in the right direction. (:

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