They say “Don’t get bitter, get better”, I’m working on switching them letters – LeCrae
I heard this in a song awhile ago, and it’s so true. What does being bitter mean to you because to me it’s been the last five years. For the last five years I have been bitter over so many things, angry at the world.
I was bitter about leaving a job that I loved, I was bitter about my relationship not working out, I was bitter that I wasn’t done with school yet, I was bitter that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, bitter that I wasn’t happy with my body, bitter because I couldn’t be selfish with my time, bitter because I wasn’t doing good but I wouldn’t do anything to change that so I stayed stuck being bitter, bitter that I wasn’t doing something I loved, bitter that I couldn’t travel, bitter that I wasn’t making enough money, bitter that I had to move home because I messed myself up financially, BITTER OVER EVERYTHING.
We all get so bitter over so many things that we have no control over, and what we do have control we don’t do anything to change it we just like to sit in our bitterness and wonder why we are so tired, why we don’t get anything done, why we are stuck, why we aren’t moving forward, why, why, why. We focus so much on what we dont’ have, what we haven’t accomplished, what someone else has, what someone else has accomplished, what someone else’s goals are, that we are always in the state of why can’t I get there, why cant I be better?
Bitterness keeps us stuck where we are, it doesn’t allow us to grow, it doesn’t allow us to look at our struggles as a learning experience. It’s a hell of a lot easier to stay stuck in bitterness than to face the fact that we are in the situation we are in because we allow ourselves to be. Being bitter does nothing but hold us back, hold us from moving on, not allowing us to forgive ourselves, or forgives others for that matter. It doesn’t allow us to thrive or to get better. It allows us to just be, to just not do anything because it;s easier to be mad than to do something to fix the problem, to work through our issues is actual work and why would we want to do that when we can continue to sit here in our bitterness.
Here’s some ways I tried to stop being such a bitter bitch:
- Held myself accountable for my own damn actions and decisions. I was mad ALL the time COMPLAINED all the time and it did nothing for me. I honestly don’t know how I had the good friends that I do because I would complain, complain, complain but do nothing to change my situation.
- Bought every single SELF HELP book around.. no really I like to read but I did get a little much with the self help genre. Some books really did help such as Radical Self Love- if you are feeling down on yourself this one is extremely helpful. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero – If you want a kick in the ass and motivated this is it. Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod this book is amazing, it puts you on a routine, shows you what is important to you, it will help TRUST ME. Lastly Unfiltered by Lily Collins because when you are going through some shit, all you want is something that you can relate to and this is the book for that.
- STOPPED BEING SO DAMN NEGATIVE – Yep I became a positive polly, I will literally read quotes every night before bed because it changes your mood don’t believe me? Why don’t cha try it!
- THERAPY I know that sometimes we can feel shamedful about needed therapy but honestly we could all use it. We are all fucked up in some way therapy is necessary. It helped me realize the patterns and behaviors I had that were not helping me succeed they were actually keeping me stuck. PLUS unbiased support is the best thing around. Our family and friends mean well they do just like we mean well when we give advice but we don’t know whats right for another person they need to be able to work through thing on their own with unbiased judgement to figure out what is right for them, and the same goes for us.
- HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS. Eating a bag of reese cups when im upset, or going out every weekend and overdoing it on the alcohol may seem like a good idea at the time but all we are doing is postponing the inevitable we have to work through our shit or its going to keep coming up over and over and no amount of comfort food, alcohol or any other unhealthy mechanism will change that fact.
- Put myself semi-first, my daughter is always my number one but I use to feel so guilty when I would leave her with a babysitter for a few hours. NO to all the momma’s out there you are still a great momma even if you want the day to yourself TAKE IT! We have so much to do all the time, we are always taking care of others whose taking care of us? FIll your cup up, you NEED and DESERVE it!
- Accepted the fact that I need other people. The truth is we need people, we may not like that we need people, we may not like asking for help, we may feel uncomfortable that we have to ask for help BUT we need it, we need connection, we need support, and we need meaningful relationships. NUTURE your friendships, and all relationships that are important to you & stop hanging with shitty ass people just because you have known them for a long time. TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.
- GET OVER MYSELF. When we are going through a hard time its really hard to get out of our own head. Why is this happening to me, why am I going through this, Why is my life like this. We have to stop focusing so much on me, me , me and start realizing that we need to get over ourselves. We all go through shitty times, shitty situations, none of us will have a smooth sailing journey and we need to realize that, accept it, and start changing our mindset to the positive instead of staying stuck in the mindset why me.
- ADOPTED A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE This was probably one of the best decisions especially because I struggle with anxiety a lot and drinking twelve lattes a day and eating like shit was not helping my mental state but you live and you learn. Its so important to take care of our bodies our skincare routine, our eating habits. YES it’s awesome to eat delish food but its all about BALANCE. Feed your body well, workout, find a skincare routine that works for you and then also treat yourself! I love eating healthy, I also love going to a restaurant and picking whatever I want off the menu and not caring if its healthy or not. BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE stop wasting your time with a diet, and start better habits daily, believe me I will never give up donuts and I will never give up my healthy smoothies in the morning 🙂
- FIND WAYS TO DESTRESS DAILY. SELF CARE IS WHERE ITS AT I need my four cups of hot tea a day because it makes me happy, I need my thursday night bath bomb baths because that’s my shit. I need my books and writing because those are the things that can get me to relax. I need a lot of time with friends and exploring because that brings me joy. You need your little moments, they make the stressful shit so much easier to get through.. FIND YOUR HAPPY THINGS, DO THEM DAILY. WE are all busy YOU can make time, not excuses.